I am learning more and more the beauty in feeling pain. No, I am not a sadist or anything like that. I am simply talking about the pain of feeling like someone took your heart and beat it like a pinata. I used to ask God “why?” over and over again. I couldn’t understand why he would let His child go through such pain when I know He could prevent it if He wanted. I have realized that things are working in accordance to His perfect, beautiful plan and I am just a part of it. Not only am I part, but I am blessed to be so. I am blessed to feel the pain of heartbreak. I am blessed to feel that sinking feeling you get when someone tells you that you aren’t good enough or simply enough.
I am blessed.
Why? Because in every blow to my heart that knocks me to my knees, I am already in the perfect position to pray. Because every piercing word or mocking insult are just offenses I toss at the feet of my Creator. Because with every person telling me “you’re not good enough”, I have a Savior who says, “Listen to Me: you are worth dying for.” Because when I am knocked down, unable to pull myself up — that is when God scoops me up not just to my feet but in His arms. That’s just a beautiful feeling to be high on God’s love.
God loves me enough to scoop me up. God loves me enough to protect me with His power and might. God loves me enough to let me feel heartbreak so that I can learn, then experience the joy of resting securely in Him.
I don’t go around asking God to allow others to break me, but I try not to question Him when it happens. Only a God of love can turn a beaten down heart into a place of joy and praise. Only Yahweh can do that.
So even in the days when people (especially people who I care about most) intentionally hurt me, I can only find joy that I am a child of God who loves me, defends me, and who wants the best for His children. When other people try to tell me who and what I am, I simply remember: I am a sinner who has been saved by a gracious, loving God. I am a child of God. I am a co-heir with Christ. I am a part of a greater purpose, a bigger plan.