Here’s a topic I never talk about since it hits just a little too close to home — right smack in the middle of my childhood home, actually. I am in no way looking for pity in this post. I am simply stating my opinion and my truths from experience with divorce.
I hate divorce.
I just really hate divorce. I’m not saying that to condemn any of you who have been through that struggle. In fact, I’m sure anyone who has been through a divorce either as one getting the divorce or one deeply affected by it (i.e. a child from the marriage) would agree with my hatred.
I learned at a young age of 8 what divorce was: ugly. Divorce was the reason my sisters and mother and I moved out of our house and in with my grandparents for a few months. Divorce was when I could no longer come home to Mommy and Daddy. Divorce was when every holiday ended up being a systematic custody question — which parent had you last year on Thanksgiving? Whose turn was it to have you this year? Divorce was when I was taught that maybe love really doesn’t last forever, after all.
You see, when you grow up watching Disney movies where the princess always got her prince, or everyone always ended up happily ever after you get the idea in your head that love is a fairytale. You believe that when two people are in love they get married and live happily together forever. When you watch a divorce between the very two people designed to teach you about love (your parents), you come to recognize fairytale love stories are for the movies. Real life love and marriage isn’t a cake walk. There are no lovey-dovey music soundtracks for every step of the way. And sometimes, just sometimes, people cannot seem to remember why they were once so perfectly in love. Sometimes things just don’t work out. Sometimes marriages die.
That is what divorce is: death of a marriage. Even more so, I view divorce as death of a once beautiful love story. And again, I will reiterate: I hate divorce.
More importantly than what I hate is what God hates, and I believe that God hates divorce. You see, divorce is broken promises– between one another and between the couple and God. I can’t, in the depths of my heart, believe that God enjoys or is okay with us breaking our promises to Him or to one another in His name (the whole “by the power vested in me by the state of ________ and God the Father, I now pronounce you husband and wife” thing). I believe it makes Him sad. I believe it makes Him angry. I believe it makes Him hurt. For us.
Divorce is the abandonment of a promise to love someone forever no matter what circumstance may present itself. I hate abandonment, so naturally I again hate divorce.
I refuse to ever have a divorce. Seriously, if future hubby and I get to where we are in constant discontentment being together, we will actively petition the Lord, go to counseling, and work it out. But I’m not worried about that because whomever I do actually end up saying “I do” to will be completely and utterly tailored for my heart and mine for his.
I am so, so, SO happy that God never abandons us, even after we act wickedly. I am so, so, SO thankful that God is faithful to His promises — no matter what situation we create and no matter what we say or do. I am so incredibly joyful that His faithfulness is not dictated by our actions or emotions. I am so undeserving of His love and faithful promises, yet I relish in them.
For all of you who hate divorce as much as I do and for all of you who have been touched in one way or another by it, take heart that you have a Creator who does not break promises He makes to you, who remains faithful even when we are wicked and unfaithful, who chose you and promises to love you forever because He is who He is.
Nehemiah 9:31 says, “However, in Your abundant compassion, You did not destroy them or abandon them, for You are a gracious and compassionate God.”
Nehemiah 9:33 says, “You are righteous concerning all that has come on us, because You have acted faithfully, while we have acted wickedly.”
Want to know a secret? I’m crazy enough to still believe in that fairytale love, after all. God shows me it can be real, so I’m going to trust Him.