My Red Wolf Experience: Howling ‘Til I Die

Oh, so I graduated earlier this month.   College days?  Officially in my past.
Whoooooa!   Suddenly, I’m feeling a lot older than 22 should feel.
Oh, but I just wanted to take a moment and tell you about my university experience…

In August 2009, I moved to Jonesboro, Arkansas to live in the Honors Living and Learning Community dorms on the campus of Arkansas State University.  It was the first time I lived upstairs, the first time I shared a bathroom with people I didn’t know, and the first time I shared a bedroom with someone.  As I look back, I can only be thankful that I was placed in the HLLC.  It was a wonderful experience to be surrounded by both upperclassmen and fellow freshmen who were Honors students and enjoyed a healthy blend of fun and studying just as much as I did.

Freshman year was the year I met more people than I can remember fully.  Everyone and everything was new.  ASU did a great job of providing ample opportunities to enjoy the college experience.  I went to more sporting events I would’ve ever imagined enjoying.  I fell in love with the constant sense of having somewhere to be and someone to meet — all the time.

Jana, me, and Anna at a football game.
Jana, me, and Anna at a football game.

It was that Fall of 2009 that I met my “Freshman Family Group” at the Baptist Collegiate Ministries (BCM) and got really close, really connected to a small group of people.  As the years wore on, I only stayed close to a few of them, but oh what a blessing they are!  Anna and Jana — truly my college “sisters.”  Two beautiful, God-fearing, intelligent ladies who will change this world with their passion to love and help others.

Tom and I at my graduation.
Tom and I at my graduation.

It was that Fall of 2009 that I also met my Tom.  Truth be told, I never thought we’d become good friends.  He was more country and wild than I could ever even think about pretending to be.  Funny thing happened, though:   He became my best friend.  This upperclassman who lived down the hall from me with his blue eyes and Southern drawl, his big heart and affection for rowdiness became the truest friend I never knew I would have throughout the following 4 years.
It’s a funny thing who ends up being in your life and who ends up being a part of it.

CBC Bible Study group!
CBC Bible Study group!

Fall of 2009 was also when I started going to Central Baptist Church.  I went the first Sunday after I moved into my dorm room and consistently attended (shifting to the CBC Journey Campus eventually) all 4 years of college.  That church showed me what it’s like to fall in love with being a part of a church family.  Central grew my relationship with God more than I can aptly thank them for.  I encourage any and all persons who live in or around Jonesboro to get connected there if they are looking for a church home to grow in.  Those people are fueled by a love for God and His Will.  They will grab you by the hand and lift your heart up closer to God.  They will teach you His Word and equip you do teach others.  They will love you and give you the opportunity to show His love on others.  They will help change your life.

Fall of 2010 I had  changed my major at least three times until I found the one I stuck with: Economics with a Pre-law Emphasis.   I found a passion in law, and business isn’t bad either.  I found a professor who both loves the Lord and his students.  He just wants people to learn, and enjoy learning.  Dr. Lewis is the most fantastic professor I have ever had.  I would, actually, call him more of a mentor (if I ever had one).  I took Legal Environment of Business, Employment Law, and Criminal Law and the Constitution with him and never regretted a single class.  A good professor and interesting topics are all you need to enjoy learning.  Trust me.

Fall of 2010 I became part of a rather interesting group of friends.  Although I loved them (who am I kidding, I still love them despite everything), I will say:  we were probably the most dysfunctional group of “friends” that I have ever been a part of.  There were so many fights, awkward spats, crossed feelings; however, there was so many laughs, so many adventures, funny text messages, sweet celebrations, support, and despite everything — just so much love.  I’m not going to call them out by name, but if they read this:  just know, I still love you all.  Our group is in no way still together and we all barely and rarely speak, but I can still remember you by the smiles and good memories.  I don’t have time or the motivation to choose to remember the rest.

Arielle, me, and Sam -- Jr. Year Roomies.
Arielle, me, and Sam — Jr. Year Roomies.

Fall of 2011 came and I moved out of the HLLC and into the best apartments on campus: Red Wolf Den.  Our 3 bedroom-1 bathroom apartment consisted of myself, Arielle, and Sam.  I must say, that was probably the best living arrangement I ever had.  Arielle and I were best friends, so we had virtually the same schedule.  It’s just fun to live with your best friend in the room right next door.  Sam had been my suitemate the year before and she’s the perfect person to share a living space with: clean, quiet, easy to talk to, creative, and cooperative.  We were all very different in personality, but we were all friends and got along wonderfully.

Fall of 2011 – Spring of 2012 showed me a lot.  I saw a lot of heartbreak (not my own).  I saw betrayal.  I was lied to by some of the people I loved most.  I was pushed to some academic limits, which turns out were imaginary limits.  I figured out who was going to be forever friends vs. college friends — well, at least I thought I had.  That still changed the next year and probably is still changing.  I went to at least one of every athletic event (excluding bowling and track), including golf.

Our Economics Family: Dylan, myself, and TW.
Our Economics Family: Dylan, myself, and TW.

Fall of 2011 was when I really found my economics “family.”   We’re an odd family, two boys and a girl, but we work.  Dylan and TW and I ended up becoming great friends, both in and outside the classroom.  We had nearly every class together, ate lunch together every day, and I knew I could depend on them when I needed to.  I love those two men.  They are both wonderfully smart with big hearts and infectious smiles.  Seriously, if they can make me understand economics and cause me to smile within the same 10 minutes, you can be sure that they’re something special.  And now we are all headed to law school — go figure.  🙂

TW and I
TW and I

TW gets an extra mention for simply putting up with me for the past two years, constantly.  (Though I will say, he gets rather shady in the summers — *cough*cough*)  That man can make bad days better and better days good.  He’s undoubtedly one of the smartest people I have had the joy of knowing.  Something extra unique about him:  He’s humble.  Most smart people are not humble.  If you can’t think of anyone fitting that bill, just ask.  I can name plenty.   But TW, he’s mastered the art of humility.  I attribute that to his big heart.  He’s a true Southern gentleman who would do anything for anyone who asks.  He’s one of my best friends, no doubt about that.  I can’t imagine a world without TW.

Me and Jana: College Sisters
Me and Jana: College Sisters

Fall of 2012 – Spring of 2013:  Senior year.  I got to live with one of my college sisters, Jana!  However, we also lived with another girl who neither of us knew.  It was a bit odd sharing an apartment with someone you never really got to know well, but it was okay.  Jana was a joy to share an apartment with.  Did I mention she was wedding planning all year for her wedding this week?  It was so fun getting to hear all the wedding buzz and see her excitement as things continually fell into place for her and Tyler!  She’s definitely taken care of by the mighty hands of the Lord, whom I know hand-picked Tyler for her.  They are perfect examples of love in young adults.  I cannot aptly express the joy I have that those two will soon be saying “I do” to futures together.  They deserve it. 🙂

Friendship With Bear
Friendship With Bear

Okay, so back to Fall of 2012:  my prior best friend joined a sorority and our lives quickly went in different directions.  I went from being used to seeing her all the time to barely getting an hour of hangout time in a week.  I’m not saying that was her fault and I’m not saying it was my fault.  It’s the way life goes.  Anyway, the person who stepped up to fill her absence was Bear.  Now if you know me, you probably also know Bear.  From August to November we were usually together, either eating somewhere in Jonesboro, watching movies, going to football games, going to the fair, the park, church, etc.  I wouldn’t trade those 4 months for anything, despite the fact that he sort-of broke my heart a bit when he decided that once he had a girlfriend, I was no longer needed in his life.  Let me just clarify:  we were always ONLY friends.  Nothing more, nothing less.  But we were good friends, maybe even the best of — for a while.  But when he started dating someone I didn’t necessarily approve of (let’s face it, we’re more protective of the people we love) and I refused to give my blessing, he decided that she was more important to him than I was.  For all of the heartbreak that caused, I can now consider it a blessing.  I ran faster to God than I can remember running and hid there for a long time.  For all the tears God dried from eyes and all the questions He answered for me, there is no way I can deny how much of a growing period that was for me.  It may have took me a while, but I still wish Bear only the best in life.  He has the potential to be someone great, truly great.  I pray he lives out life to his full potential.  If he does, there is simply no limit to what he can do.

So when Bear left my life (visiting once in a while, but basically gone), I went a little people-shy.  It’s hard to want to trust someone again when you’re trust has been abused.  BUT, I love people way too much and college just isn’t any fun without people.  Plus, I just so happened to have wonderful people in my life who wouldn’t let me be less than my usual self, despite whatever the circumstances seemed to be.

Tom and I -- Always Smiling
Tom and I — Always Smiling

Tom, without knowing it, picked up those heartbroken pieces.  I can’t have an adventure with him without loving life.  I just can’t.  I can’t watch Tosh.0 with him and not find my laughter again.  I just can’t.  And I can’t be sad around him — he calls me out and makes me tell him what’s up, then makes it better.  Again I say, he’s my best friend.

December – January was full of holidays, applying to law schools, and birthday celebrations.  I will say, the ASU Pre-law advisors are always ready to help with law school applications, in addition to Dr. Lewis and Dr. Robertson from the College of Business.  We have enough J.D. recipients at ASU to merit an easier law school application process.  It’s not as scary when people tell you what to expect and how you should approach things.

February through April was just surviving the rest of classes to maintain my GPA (with all A’s, of course), enjoying my last weeks with my Journey Group girls (Bible Study), and trying to do all of the rest of my “lasts” at ASU — like, last ASU basketball game as a student, last TNT at BCM, last Pre-law meeting, etc.  To be honest, it was a bit sad.  Realizing you only have a few months left in your home of the past 4 years will cause a little sadness.  On the same token, those few months were full of a lot of thanksgiving.  I was blessed beyond measure at ASU.  I had a lot of praise to give God, and a lot of thanks to give my people blessings.

Senior Honors Banquet at ASU
Senior Honors Banquet at ASU

Early May put everything into perspective.  First week of May I completed my last Finals of undergrad at ASU.  I finished my degree.  I said goodbye to the very people who had captured pieces of my heart since August 2009.  I packed up my apartment and moved stuff over an hour away.  I said goodbye to my Journey Group, a group of ladies whose hearts for the Lord had taught my own so much over the past year.  I planned the last birthday dinner for Tom in Arkansas (he moves to FL for dental school this summer).  It was terribly sad for me.  It forced me to realize that he’s really moving, and so am I.  I still haven’t quite digested that fact.  One of the hardest things in May?  Leaving my job and my work family.

Only Part of My Work Family
Only Part of My Work Family

Yes, I said work FAMILY.  That’s exactly what we were, a family.  We were family first, co-workers and employers/employees second.  I had the absolute pleasure to work in the main office at the Arkansas Biosciences Institute all through my college career.  In fact, I even worked there the summer  before my senior year of high school, then came back when I started as a Freshman at ASU.  I loved those people.  They say it’s the people that make a place somewhere you call home.  Those people made ASU my home just as much as my classmates, roommates, and friends.

Linda and I
Linda and I

My direct boss, Linda, took care of me more than I could’ve ever imagined.  She was like my college Mom.  Linda is, perhaps, the sweetest, kindest soul I have ever had the pleasure to call friend.  In addition to taking care of me in the office, if I ever had a problem with classes or an apartment problem she was quick to offer help.  She also always looked out for my health.  For example, Junior year I was sick one day but when to class anyways (I hate missing class).  After being told to leave Spanish class by the professor because I was too sick to be there, I took my temperature and had over 103 F.   So, I called the office and told them I couldn’t come into work because I was sick and that I was really sorry.  To be honest, I was miserable.  It’s a wonder how I walked the mile back to my room.  Linda took off work that afternoon (not paid leave, mind you) to pick me up from my dorm and take me to the hospital.  She waited at the hospital (something NOONE likes doing) while I was poked and prodded by the doctor/nurses, and then took me to get my antibiotics before taking me back to my dorm with instructions to call or text if I needed anything or got hungry.  (Sidenote: I had the flu.)  How many bosses would do all that for their part-time worker?  Hardly any.  Linda is special.  She’s a blessing.

Anyway, saying goodbye to ABI was probably one of the saddest things I had to do in May.  I cried as I left on my last day.  Have you ever cried when you voluntarily left a job?  Probably not.  If you find a job that you love, one where you love the people so it never feels like work — that’s when you’ll be sad to leave.  I know I was.


Graduation day was May 11th.  I sat between my two favorite classmates — TW and Dylan as speakers told us congratulations, to do something wonderful with our lives, and that we had done it, we were really graduates.  I followed Dylan in getting my diploma with TW right behind me.  It wasn’t at all sad.  It was a good day.   We are DONE with economics!

Mom and Stepdad With Their Graduate
Mom and Stepdad With Their Graduate

My family was all smiles, proud of their youngest (youngest grandchild, youngest child, youngest sibling).  There was a lot of clapping and photo-taking and hugging.  (I’m a hugger, for sure.)

Rachel, Myself, and Shana: Sisters Photo After Graduation
Rachel, Myself, and Shana: Sisters Photo After Graduation

Graduation ended around 4:30, I think.  After photos, finding one another, and braving busy streets, my family, Tom, and I made our way to a conference room just a few minutes before the catering arrived.  It was a nice meal with the people I love most:  my family and my best friend.  Then the family all left and I went back to my apartment.  It was over.

The following morning I checked out of my apartment in Red Wolf Den, and simultaneously said goodbye to my university home.  My experience as a Red Wolf isn’t over, though.  I’ll be howling ’til I die.  I’m a Red Wolf at heart, no matter what.

As you can see, my college experience isn’t remembered by economics graphs, Supreme Court cases, market predictions, papers, tests, or really even classes.  Don’t get me wrong, I remember all of those.  Trust me, it’s imprinted in my brain.  But I remember my college experience by the people — they’re the ones who made it home.  It’s always the people who make a place.  Always.  ASU has/had some extraordinary people.

Howl yes, I’ve been blessed!


It’s Not Smart To Fall In Love

I’m not an expert in falling in love — you can trust me on that one.
If I’m being completely and utterly honest, I’d say falling in love in the chronic condition sense is scary.  I would also venture to say that falling madly in love with someone is not a smart decision.
Now before you hopeless romantics out there get your panties in a twist, let me just say:  I don’t always think the smart choice is the right choice.   Love is a perfect example to that principle; THE perfect example, in fact.
Who would think it smart to pledge eternal loyalty to ONE person forever when whomever they are now could be very different from who they become twenty years down the road?  Who would think it smart to decide that the happiness and well-being of one person is worth the detriment to their own — every single day of their life?  Who would think it smart to complicate life more by adding in another person to care for, plan for/around, tend to, and generally try to accommodate every day?  Who would think it smart to tell another imperfect human being every insecurity, secret, and truth about themselves?
Not me.  I think all of those are some the most not-smart behaviors in the world.  Not smart and irrational.
However, I think it’s important to fall in love.  It’s important to understand that special feeling of vulnerability that happens when two people are in love.  It’s important to experience that feeling of your heart leap when the love of your heart is near.  It’s important to allow yourself to be humbled on the most sensitive and intimate way — by being in love.  It’s important to have someone to smile with on the peaks of life and to cry with in the valleys.
Falling in love is important.
It’s also hard.  One of the hardest things that I’ve found about life is allowing myself to be vulnerable.  Quite frankly, I am a Southern born-and-raised lady.  I’ve been brought up with values of strength.  Many times, or most times, I see strength as the opposing counterpart to vulnerability.   On the contrary, falling in love finds strength in being vulnerable to one another.  It’s hard because it’s irrational.
Which leads me to my next statement….love is irrational.   Where is the logic?   Where is the reason?   Seriously, those are not rhetorical questions.  If you have an answer, feel free to share.  Anyway, if you’re anything like me, you must also find it hard to willingly engage in daily irrational behavior.  Personally I like to err on the side of caution — which always finds itself on the side of rationality.
Falling in love isn’t necessarily smart.  It’s hard.  It’s irrational.
BUT, it’s worth it.  It’s important.  It’s right.
There’s nothing more heart-warming than seeing a smile in the eyes of someone you have fallen for when they’re looking at you.  There’s nothing sweeter than goodnight kisses from the person who holds your heart.  There’s nothing more honorable than someone loving you enough to trust you with their heart.  There’s nothing more rewarding than knowing your safe place can be with you wherever because it’s the one you are in love with.  There’s nothing greater than having that daily motivation to simply be a better you so that you can help the one you love be a better them.

Falling in love might just be the best “not-smart” decision of your life.

Is There A Pause Button To Growing Up?

A Long Journey Awaits
A Long Journey Awaits

I never knew growing up would be so…..hard.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done a lot of growing up in my 22 years of life — many of it at a young age.
I guess I always imagined that it would get easier as I got older.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
It gets harder. And harder.

In less than two weeks I graduate college and leave all of the friends I have come to love as family, co-workers and employers I don’t know how I’ll live without, and the place I’ve called home for the last four years — ASU.
In less than four months I start law school, officially become in debt for the first time in my life (student loans to pay for law school, of course), and move away from my family.

Growing up sure can be sad.
But it’s necessary. There’s no point in life if we never change or grow.

Growing up sure is scary.
I’m terrified to have debt, to commit to law school, to move on from people I love and who love me.
It scares me to know that at 22, I am really choosing my entire future’s path. At 22 years old.
But it’s motivating. Fear is a powerful force, after all.

Ah, I tip my metaphoric hat at the “grown up” world.
It’s a whole new scene out there.