A Letter To Preachers (Warning: Blatant Honesty May Offend You)

Writing

Dear preachers,

I’ve heard more of you preach than I can count in my lifetime, so I would say I’m a rather experienced listener.  I’ve come to the realization that, perhaps, you need some raw, honest feedback.  I suppose I ought to give you such instead of waiting for someone else to.  Please note, though, that this does not apply to all or many of you, but to the ones it does — oh, we all know who you are.
First of all, can you do your congregations a favor and STOP WITH THE THEATRICS?  Seriously, we all have televisions or YouTube.  We don’t come to you for a show.  We come to be taught the holy Word of God.  I don’t really need to see you jump around stage or walk up and down the aisle slapping hands or strutting about.  You don’t have to stand still or anything, but remember you aren’t an actor up there.  You are a teacher appointed by God Almighty to tell people about His Word so that they may draw nearer to Him — act appropriately.
Next, I have a little news for you: we can hear just fine.  If you want to scream then please for the sake of our ears turn the microphone off!  My grandfather is in his 70s and you are even too loud for his ears.  Unnecessary, sir!  I don’t think a single person comes to church with the mindset of “I sure hope the preacher verbally assaults my ears again this week!”  So just calm down on all that yelling.  (Your bulging neck veins and tomato red face will probably appreciate it, too.)
Thirdly, we can keep up.  I’m sure you do those dramatic ten second pauses in the middle of your words and sentences (especially at the end of the sermon) to make sure we can keep up with you.  How considerate!  I must tell you though, it’s more annoying than helpful.  We can keep up with you at a steady pace.  All those pauses just make me think I’m listening to Obama give a speech.
Also, you don’t have to wear that suit jacket.  Listen, I am a gal who loves a man in suit and tie.  Truly, I do.  However, if you are going to be sweating through the whole service – ditch the jacket.  I appreciate your style and effort to look nice, but the streams of sweat down your face make it hard to concentrate on then content what you are yelling.  You’d look a lot better and feel a lot cooler if you simply dressed for function rather than style.  Your congregation will not mind, or at least it shouldn’t.
Lastly, what is with the whole drawn out altar call?  I understand wanting people to come forward if the Lord is leading them to.  I get it.  I want that too!  But, after three invitation songs and a few more yelling fits of yours about hell and damnation, it sounds more like a threat than an invitation.  Last time I checked, God didn’t ask us to manipulate others by inciting fear to make them come to Him.  Nor did He say, “harp on and on until you make your congregation bored or annoyed so much that they will kneel just to make you shut up.”  Let’s be a little more on point, please?
Just one more tip for good measure: you should never make your congregation leave feeling like crap.  Don’t confuse this with me being against stepping on toes.  Step on toes.  Dance on them.  Lay the Word of God on our hearts so that we feel the Holy Spirit stirring.  Welcome conviction on your congregation.  But NEVER let us leave without giving us the hope, the redemption, the message of love.  God didn’t end with condemnation, but rather grace.  Mirror that.
I’m not trying to tell you how to do your job.  These are merely suggestions.  A little constructive feedback, if you will.
I would just like to end this in saying that I am thankful that God has called so many passionate, fired up Christians to teach His Word.  It is an honor to be called to be a preacher.  I respect you all a great deal, so please do not take this as a rude or disrespectful article.  It is neither.  Any good preacher will always want to improve.  I am merely trying to help you do so.

Sincerely,
Preached At

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