Dear Mystery Man — Wise Men Respect Their Mommas

This is actually my nephew and my stepsister, but it shows a picture of love and respect from a boy to a woman he is growing up learning from and respecting at his right hand.

This is actually my nephew and my stepsister, but it shows a picture of love and respect from a boy to a woman he is growing up learning from and respecting at his right hand.

Being an unmarried 22 year-old woman, of course I have this idea in my head of what kind of man I want to say “I do” to one day.  How this man should be, in my opinion, changes a lot.  At one time I thought I wanted a man who liked to dress up all the time, but the more I wear heels around the more I realize I want a man just as happy with his jeans and tee as he is with a suit and tie.  At one time I thought this mystery husband should always be hilarious, making me laugh every moment.  But again, I have changed my mind.  I sure want a man who can make me giggle and laugh, but he also needs to know when to be serious and when to take me seriously.  I could go on about the changes I have made, but instead let’s switch gears to the additions and the concrete.

I have always wanted a man who loved the Lord first and foremost.  There should be nothing (not even me) that he loves more than his Lord and Savior, Jesus.  I refuse to ever change or modify this “must-have” in my mystery husband.

As I dig deeper into the Word and gain more insight into life that comes with growing up, I keep finding more things that biblically make sense to add into what my mystery husband should be like.  It’s quite wonderful that I don’t have to come up with these “must-have” or “should-have” qualities on my own, I just have to find ’em in God’s Word.  After all, every father does raise his daughter with some idea of the man he will one day be willing to give her to.  God is no different.  He’s such a good Daddy.

As I was reading in God’s Word today, I was reading in 1 Kings about King Solomon.  Now if you grew up in Sunday school like I did, you already know the story of Solomon and what he is famously known as: the wisest man in history.  I don’t know about you, but I sure wish I could’ve met Solomon and learned from him.  People filled with wisdom, especially wisdom straight from God as with Solomon, are always intriguing to me.
Anyway,  I came to 1 Kings 2:19 and it hit me: since I want a wise man to call my husband one day, I’m going to have to find one who loves his momma and respects her.  That is what wise men do.  If you’re a little confused at how I can make such a definitive statement, then keep on reading.  I’m about to explain it.
In 1 Kings 2:19, Bathsheba comes to King Solomon to ask him something.  Now, King Solomon was quite the royal being the newly anointed king and the son of King David.  So this Bathsheba comes to him as he is on his throne — so, you know, at his workplace — and wants to talk to him.  This Bathsheba is his mother.   (Making more sense now?  I hope so!)
King Solomon could’ve dismissed Bathsheba with as much as a “Mom, I’m at work.  I’m busy.  We can talk later.”  But he didn’t.  No, when Solomon saw his mother approaching him, he stood up to greet her.  What a respectful son!  I love when a man will stand up when a lady walks into a room.  Solomon further demonstrates his respect and love for his mother by bowing to her.  The King bowed to his mother.   That’s a big deal.  The King is the one who others bow to, not the one who bows to others.  Yet, we see here the wisest man on Earth bowing to his mother as a sign of respect.  Precious, just simply precious!  As a final and beautiful act of respect for his momma, King Solomon sits back on his throne as his mother sits down on a throne he had placed for her there at his right hand.   He didn’t make her stand to approach his kingship.  He didn’t have some fold-out chair or stool brought before him so she could chat.  No, he had a throne for her to sit in.  Notice the placement of the throne, too.  It wasn’t placed in front or behind or way off to the side of his.  He had his mother’s throne placed at his right hand because that’s how he treated her — as his right hand woman.   Wow!

Now, I’m not a mother but to all you mommas out there: isn’t that what you want to see your son(s) grow up to be like?  Mommas are sure important — and a real man will treat them that way.

To the momma that I will one day call my mother-in-law:  your son is going to treat you like Solomon treated Bathsheba.  You will always have a place of honor in his life, one that I will never try to take the place of.  Additionally, I will probably often admire the respect that my husband (your son) has for you because I know he will teach any son(s) that we may have to grow up treating me like that.  What a precious circle, right?   Future mother-in-law, wherever you are and whomever you are, thank-you for raising up a man who treats his mother with respect.   Thank-you for raising up a wise man that I will be able to call my husband.

To my future/mystery husband:  You will be a wise man.  You will be a wise man who, like King Solomon, respects and loves his momma.   You are always allowed and, in fact, you are required to make sure that your mother always feels loved, heard, and taken care of.  I know in-laws are often stresses on marriages, but ours won’t be.  Your love and respect for your mother (your father, too) is going to be contagious and I’ll follow suit.  On an ending note, I’d just like to say to you — thank-you for being a biblical picture of respect.  It means a lot, truly it does.

“So Bathsheba went to King Solomon to speak to him about Adonijah.  The king stood up to greet her, bowed to her, sat down on his throne, and had a throne placed for the king’s mother.  So she sat down at his right hand.”   – 1 Kings 2:19 (HCSB)

The Toddler Who Taught Me a Grown-Up Lesson

The nephew waiting to be pushed his the swing, happily so.

The nephew happily waiting to be pushed in his swing.

My nephew is only 4 years old, but he’s one of the best teachers I’ve ever had.  Honestly, kids teach you as much as you teach them.  But kids don’t teach you how to find the square root of a number or how to calculate the CPI.  No, kids teach you lessons about life.

My nephew Mason is 4 years old, but has more wisdom than he knows.  In fact, I’m not sure at his age he can even grasp the concept of wisdom.  Sometimes at 22, I’m not sure I even get it.  Honestly.

A few days ago Mason and I were playing in the backyard.  I was pushing him on his little swing tied out from a big tree branch.  Each time he would say “higher!” I would push his swing just a little bit harder and listen to his gleeful little squeals of excitement.  (Seriously, that little man will capture your heart.)  After a little while I was ready to join the rest of the family who were around the old wooden picnic table in a different part of the yard.  (In the countryside of Arkansas, a “yard” can be a very expansive plot of land, just so you know.)

Instead of just telling Mason I was going to join the rest of the family, I asked him if he wanted to come with me to see what everyone else was doing.  His response was a very quick “no” with demands for more swinging.  So then I said, “How about I teach YOU how to swing on your own?  That way, you can still go higher and higher, but you won’t need me to stand behind you and push.”  He looked at me with unconvinced eyes, but he didn’t say “no.”  I quickly went to telling him how you simply kick your feet while holding on to the rope.  I even moved his legs in the way he would need to move them to be able to swing himself.

After the short tutorial, little Mason slid down off the swing onto his feet and started slowly walking towards everyone else.  His facial expression was….disappointed and defeated.  I walked beside him and asked why he didn’t want to swing.  That’s when he started saying, “I can’t do it.  I can’t do it!”  He had zero faith in himself.  I encouraged him with, “Well, why don’t you just try?  Come on, bud.  I’ll stay over there until you get the hang of it.”  He shook his little defeated head and said, “No, it awright (all right).  I can’t do it.”

How in the world does he know he can’t do something that he has never tried?  I know he can learn to swing by himself.  He’s a smart, strong little man – and it’s just swinging.  But he didn’t have any confidence or faith in his own abilities.  Of course I told him, “Of course you can do it, Mas!  You just have to try.  I know you can do it.  Come on, just try.  I’ll show you again.”  Of course, that just frustrated him because he just KNEW that he couldn’t do it and was bothered with me asking so much of him.  His response was another “I can’t do it.”

Finally I looked at him and said, “Okay, well WHY can’t you do it?”  I mean, what was his basis for claiming that he couldn’t do this task that I know he can?  This is what got me.  His response was the most genuine and honest and simultaneously heartbreaking and eye-opening sentence.  He said, “Because I’m not perfect!”

Oh Mason, if only you knew what a perfect little teacher you are!  This showed me EXACTLY what I hide behind – my imperfection.  So many times I don’t try something because I have already made up my mind that I failed at it.  Time and time again God asks me to “try this, daughter” and I walk away defeated and disappointed in myself because I have no confidence or faith that I can do it.  Well, I am half right here – I can’t do most things.  But yet, I can.  If it were just me – Mary Elizabeth Bailey – I couldn’t do the bulk of what God asks me.  But it’s not just me.  I have the Holy Spirit within me.  I have the Son of the Living God as my Savior.  I have the God of ALL creation watching over me every single moment.  It’s not just me.  It’s never just me.

My God has equipped me with abilities that He KNOWS I can use.  My goal is to not walk away saying “I can’t do this because I’m not perfect.”  My goal is to hold on and do what God asks knowing that I CAN because my SAVIOR is PERFECT.  God doesn’t ask anything of me that He doesn’t first prepare me for, one way or another.  Trusting in that is one of the hardest things for me to do, but when it comes down to it – it’s just a matter of faith.  *Oh Father, let my faith be much!*

I can’t wait to explain this one day to Mason.  I can’t wait for my nephew to embrace the love of the Heavenly Father.  I can’t wait for him to live out Philippians 4:13 (“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”)  I cannot wait for Mason to be old enough to understand that there is a mighty God who is going to do great things through him.  I can’t wait to one day share with Mason the lessons he so freely teaches me.

God used my 4 year old nephew to speak to me.  Who (or what) is He using to speak to YOU right now?  Listen to Him.  Embrace His direction and guidance.  Seek Him.  You will find Him, I promise.  And TRUST in your Creator.  He knows what you can do because He knows what He can do.

“For I know the plans I have for you – this is the Lord’s declaration – plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”  -Jeremiah 29:11

An ending note:  To my nephew and the rest of the little ones out there, the Bible says in Luke 12:32 “Don’t be afraid, little flock, because your Father delights to give you the kingdom.”  Don’t be afraid to do anything that God asks of you.  Don’t be afraid of your imperfection.  Your Heavenly Father has it covered (with the blood of a perfect Savior), and He just wants to give you the kingdom.  🙂