12 Ways To Show Who You Love More

I believe most women want their man to love them more than he loves himself.  But do men really understand what this means?

Well, here is a basic list of things that a woman needs to see in her man so she knows he loves her above himself, if he indeed does (so men, read up….or women, nonchalantly message him the link in hopes he reads):

  1.  Tell her you love her even when she annoys you.  If you can only express your love towards her when she does something that pleases you or when you are in a good mood, you don’t actually love her.  In that case, you just love the way she makes you feel when she does what you want her to.
  2. Do what she wants to do often, especially when you know it is something that brings her joy but that you dislike.  Example: If she really loves to watch a certain tv show but you think it is stupid or uninteresting, sacrifice that 30 minutes to an hour to watch it with her to make her happy.  It’s not a huge sacrifice of your time, and you get to snuggle up on the couch with her and see her smile/laugh the whole time.
  3. Help her with things simply to be of service.  More times than not she is doesn’t need your help with putting away the dishes or making the cookies, dusting the bookshelves or putting away laundry.  Just because she doesn’t need your help doesn’t mean she wouldn’t appreciate it.  Helping her with the small things builds up trust that you will be helpful for the big things in life, too.  Plus, it is a little more time spent together and we all love spending time with the one we love.
  4. Never leave without a goodbye hug and/or kiss.  Personally, I like both but one or the other would suffice.  This point should go without saying, but you are not guaranteed a return to her.  Life can be short and can end unexpected.  Kiss her.  Hug her.  Make sure you always take that extra 10 seconds before leaving.  Plus, she won’t tell you this, but you being gone for hours does make her heart sad.  She misses you all day while you are out.  That goodbye hug and/or kiss will help lift her up.
  5. Listen to her when she talks.  I mean really listen.  Put away your phone or computer, look away from the television or tablet.  Listen to what she tells you and be interested.  Maybe you don’t care about the components of her story, but if you care about her you will let her know that if it is important to her, it is important to you.  If she doesn’t feel heard and her opinions cared about, she isn’t going to want to discuss with you the big things or really important things in life.  And that, my friend, is going to kill you relationship slowly.
  6. Never say something you know will her hurt during an argument.  I get it, noone likes to be wrong in an argument.  In an argument in a relationship, NO ONE WINS.  If you get the last word or break her down enough that she gives up, that is not a win.  The only win is a resolution made by both of you and reconciliation.  When you get mad or frustrated with her, never ever say something mean intended to hurt her.  She will remember it.  She’ll remember it long after the argument is over and long after apologies have been made.  She’ll remember it when she is feeling down.  She’ll remember it when she feels like you are disappointed.  She will always remember it…and it will shape how she sees herself.  If you really love her, you will build her up.  You will not let your words tear her down.
  7. Compliment her.  Yes, we still like hearing that you think we are beautiful even when we don’t feel like it.  Yes, we still like you telling us you like the meal we made you even when we have made it a dozen times already.  Yes, we still like to know if you like our new shirt or pants or shoes.  Yes, we still like to hear if you think we are smart.  Your woman wants to hear the things you like that she does and the things you simply like about her, even if she has already heard them a dozen times.
  8. Encourage her.  This is different than a compliment.  A woman loves to serve and to give and to love.  We all do.  It goes back to the beginning of our existence.  We were created as helpmates, companions, lovers.  But we still need encouragement. Your woman tries very hard to love you well.  She is still going to fail sometimes.  She is still going to mishear what you say sometimes, forget something, mess up dinner, break a cup, etc. She is still going to go through things.  She needs you to encourage her.  Be her number 1 fan.  Be her personal cheerleader (uniforms not required).  Tell her that whether or not she thinks she can do something, you believe in her.  Tell her it’s okay when something goes wrong and that accidents can happen.
  9. Forgive her.  This sounds easy since relationships are about love and forgiveness is a big part of love.  But when you forgive her for something, let it go.  Forgiving doesn’t mean you forgive one day, then bring the transgression back up in a fight a week or two later.  That is not forgiveness. You let it go.  You put it down and you do not pick up that offense up again.  You can remember it, but don’t borrow the hurt from it again
  10. Spend time with her.  This is so very simple.  Playing your video game in the same room as her is not spending time with her.  Being on your phone or tablet while sitting next to her is not spending time with her.  Engage in her attention.  Invest in her presence.  Do things together.  Examples: go play a sport together, take a walk and agree to put the electronics away during it, make a craft together, build something, go to a museum or gallery and discuss each exhibit together, watch a movie together, play games with one another, etc.  Quality time means so much more than a grand gesture here and there.
  11. Be romantic.  You woman needs you to romance her.  She has plenty of friends and most likely family who will do many of the things y’all do together (eat, shop, play sports/games, watch movies, etc.).  However, she only has one significant other — you. You are the only ONE who she expects to and wants to romance her.  If you can’t think of something romantic to do or say or give on your own, take to the internet.  Use Google or Pinterest.  There are plenty of ideas out there waiting for you to bring to life for your woman. She needs romance in her life — frequently, not just on anniversaries or birthdays.  And you know, it’ll make you feel good to see how much a little romance can warm her heart.  Trust me.
  12. Lead her.  A woman is great at following good leadership.  She needs you to be a good leader.  This means in the house, out of the house, with others, with family, etc.  Lead her in showing others compassion, volunteering your time to show selflessness, being kind, being financially responsible, being adventurous, trying new things, etc.  Personally, my number one for wanting to be led from my significant other in faith.  A man who can lead a woman into a deeper, more devoted relationship with God is a good man and good leader.  Into the heart of God is the best place a man can lead a woman.  Do that for her.  Do that for yourself.  It makes a big difference.

 

This is my short little list of things that come to mind instantly when I think of how to show someone you love them more than you love yourself.  It all boils down to sacrifice in the end.  Love always does.  I mean, the greatest act of love of all time was the sacrifice Jesus made of all of us on the cross. So, if you truly love someone more than you love yourself, you will sacrifice for them.  And if you truly love them, it will be more of an honor than an obligation.

On an ending note, these points above can be reversed on how a woman can show a man she loves him more than herself.  I wrote primarily to the men here because I am a woman, but I believe it is just as applicable with the genders reversed (aside from #12).

Be kind to one another.  Show love to each other.  Do good.

You Can’t Win With Love…

…in a tennis game, but on Valentine’s Day (and in life) it’s a whole different story.

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There’s a lot of talk about love and even more so in the month of February.  Think about it.  Go into Target and you are instantly met with graphics of pink and red hearts with some sort of phrase about love or that “someone special.”   (Sidenote:  You are all someone special.  You don’t need a significant other to validate that.  They just help remind you when you forget it.)

People think that for one day, their “love” can be shown through heart shaped candies, overstuffed teddy bears, candle-lit dinners, and large romantic gestures because, hey, the calendar says that on February 14th you’re suppose to actually live out that whole love thing.  Lucky for all of us, we’re told how to “love” on Valentine’s Day, too. 

It breaks my heart every year to see friends of mine and acquaintances who feel so negatively about Valentine’s Day.  We all have (or some of you are) that friend who has been single for so long they have forgotten to believe in real love anymore.  Or, there’s that friend who will choose the worst guy/girl possible to spend Valentine’s Day with because they are afraid to be alone.  Then there are the friends who, from past relationships and more battle scars on their hearts than many of us can imagine, are not sad on Valentine’s Day , but rather bitter.  And overly critical of any and all relationships of their loved ones.  Still yet, there are the newly hurt hearts who long for the idealistic love that media has come to portray through Valentine’s Day.  Oh, and can’t forget the “I don’t know why I am single” friends who try to act too cool for relationships and love.  (Sidenote:  You aren’t that cool.  Next time you ask the rhetorical question of ‘seriously, what is wrong with me?’ I sincerely hope a friend or family member loves you enough to answer that.  It’s for your own good.)

It also kills me to see friends who really buy into the whole one-day love of Valentine’s Day.  I know those girls who will purposefully date a man right before Valentine’s Day just to get attention on that day and presents.  Or, there are always the newly-formed couples who think that saying “I love you” just feels right on Valentine’s Day…despite the fact that they have only known each other a matter of three or less weeks.  Let’s not forget the ‘we’re not together but let’s be together today’ couples who have broken up and been put back together more times than a preschool puzzle.  Just say no. 

So who are the real winners on Valentine’s Day (aside from the jewelry, flower, and candy markets)?  I’ll tell you:  the ones who treat that day as any other day in their life-long love story, just with an extra reminder or two of the love that is shared.  The couples who are long-standing, who believe in marriage and keep it holy, who fight for love against daily life and hold one another in the winner’s circle every single day.  The real winners are the couples who know that love isn’t always sweet like heart-shaped candies, elegant like diamonds, or vibrant like flowers, but know that it is always worth it. 

The real winners on Valentine’s Day are the couples who know what it means to fight for love.  The real winners on Valentine’s Day are those who understand that there are no easy buttons.  The real winners on Valentine’s Day are the ones who have had issues and refuse to give up because, well, they couldn’t imagine life without their significant other – and wouldn’t want to.  The real winners on Valentine’s Day are the couples who hold on to one another instead of trading one another in for something else or someone else.  The real winners on Valentine’s Day are those who understand one simple fact, and have given all of themselves within that understanding:  love is sacrifice. 

The real winners on Valentine’s Day are, also, those who have yet to find that romantic, long-lasting, never-giving-up love but can be joyful and genuinely happy for those who have.  The real winners go on to include the widows who spend the day without the presence of the person they vowed to love forever, but never spend a day without cherishing the memories.  Finally, the real winners on Valentine’s Day must include those who have been hurt, scarred, rejected, and crushed but have yet to give up. 

Don’t give up, buttercup. 

Be a winner this Valentine’s Day.  

You are lovely. 
You are loved.
 You were made to love and be loved.

 Live that way.

Lawn Mowers and Relationships: Country Musings

Lawn Mowing Is Like Relationships

Lawn Mowing Is Like Relationships

As I was helping mow our land the other day (in the country, that’s a much more time-consuming task than you would think), I got to thinking how relationships are a lot like mowing with a riding lawn mower.  Don’t believe me?  Here are my findings:

1.  You have to know what direction you need to go in.  On the lawn mower, to be able to get all of the tall grass you have to know when you need to turn and in what direction.  Same thing with a relationship:  you need direction.  You can’t just jump into a relationship with no idea where you want it to go.  If you do, that relationship will not go where you want.  Believe me.

2.  Pay attention.  When mowing the lawn here, I am always having to look out for large rocks or tree stumps or holes to avoid.  Things that could harm the lawn mower.  With a relationship you always have to be on the look-out for things that could harm one another, and avoid them.  Don’t put yourself into compromising positions.  Pay attention and deliberately avoid such places/things.

3.  Even when it’s rough, enjoy the goodness in what you are doing.   Now out here in the country, the land is not all smooth.  There are hills, holes, and rocky patches here and there.  So atop a lawn mower, the ride gets rough.  However, no matter how rough it gets I keep going because I love the way a freshly cut lawn looks and I love how much more functional it is.  With relationships, it’s the same way.  There will be rough times, but you just have to be forward-looking and know that the rough times are worth the goodness of the relationship.  Don’t give up on a good thing just because things get difficult.  That would be like giving up mowing the lawn half-way through just because I hit a rock.

4.  Don’t go too fast or you’ll miss something.  With a riding lawn mower, you have the option to adjust the speed.  If you go too fast, you’ll inevitably end up missing a patch of grass here or there.  Relationships are a lot like that.  If you move too fast, you’ll miss out on something.  If you go straight to the bed before the altar, you’re going to miss out on a lot.  A lot.  You should go at the same speed emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  That way, you won’t miss something.

That’s all I have for now, folks.  Just a few musings of mine out here in the countryside as I mowed my parents’ lawn.  It’s a nice place for pondering.